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College Quotes – Dark And Funny But True

college quotes

College years are arguably the best years of life for most of the people and these college quotes reflect that.

Make sure you read School Quotes as well!

College Quotes

“Months are different in college, especially freshman year. Too much happens. Every freshman month equals six regular months—they’re like dog months.”
― Rainbow Rowell

This is so true. There is so much happening and it’s the most exciting part of your life. Going to new classes, making new friends and colleagues, maybe joining fraternities or sororities – everything is super exciting and fresh.

College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?”
― David Wood

If you don’t have to work to go through college and your parents are paying for tuition, the college is the best time of your life. If you can keep your grades up, there’s no need for the parents to be upset, right?

“But if you tell folks you’re a college student, folks are so impressed. You can be a student in anything and not have to know anything. Just say toxicology or marine biokinesis, and the person you’re talking to will change the subject to himself. If this doesn’t work, mention the neural synapses of embryonic pigeons.”
― Chuck Palahniuk

Palahniuk, mostly known for writing the Fight Club, said it best. Being a college student wakes up some weird feelings in other people.

“Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.”
― John Green

Yup, there are a lot of dummies graduating colleges and even becoming powerful people and presidents of countries. If these dummies can do it, so can you.

“If the college you visit has a bookstore filled with t-shirts rather than books, find another college.”
― Albert Mohler Jr.

This one’s self-explanatory. Books over shirts. Knowledge over brand.

>>Related post 57 Highly Effective Life Lessons Quotes To Soak In Before It’s Too Late<<

“I imagine that one of the biggest troubles with colleges is there are too many distractions, too much panty-raiding, fraternities, and boola-boola and all of that.”
― Malcolm X

Word, Malcolm. College does have too many distractions. Horny students mixed with alcohol, drugs and partying. It’s a wonder anyone graduates at all.

“Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.”
― Mark Twain

The truth is, you can get great education without going to college, especially in these modern times when there’s Skillshare, Udemy and of course YouTube and internet in general. Most of the colleges give you a piece of paper, a degree, and then you’re in charge of adding to your education and knowledge.

“Christ, seven years of college, down the drain.”
― John Belushi

In UK, half of graduates don’t work in their field of study. In US it’s almost a third of graduates. That is a lot of blood, sweat and money down the drain, especially if you’re stuck with a huge student debt.

“I’d compare college tuition to paying for a personal trainer at an athletic club. We, professors, play the roles of trainers, giving people access to the equipment (books, labs, our expertise) and after that, it is our job to be demanding.”
― Randy Pausch

That is a great way of looking at it.

College life is different, entirely different like you don’t have to get ready and wear that red and crisp blue school uniform and look alike every day. Free to define ourselves with statement attire. Good thing.”
― Parul Wadhwa

You can finally be an individual in college. No more uniforms!

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”
― Nelson Mandela

It is extremely important for everyone in the world to have an equal chance at getting education. But not only that. Now, more than ever, we need more than merely educated people. We need critical thinkers.

College is the reward for surviving high school.”
― Judd Apatow

You survived high school, now you reap the rewards.

College inspired me to think differently. It’s like no other time in your life.”
― Lara Oleynik

Anybody that was in college knows this quote is true.

“An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.”
― Benjamin Franklin

The Founding Fathers truly were ahead of their time because this quote is still true more than ever.

College is like a fountain of knowledge and the students are there to drink.”
― Chuck Palahniuk

Some of the college students are drinking from the fountain of knowledge and the other ones are there just to drink.

“Definition of a college professor: someone who talks in other people’s sleep.”
― W. H. Auden

Did you ever fall asleep during a class? Monday morning maybe, after a long weekend?

“For this very short time in your life, and possibly never again, you will be given a very unique gift: a supremely rich environment with ample time, space, safety and people to explore whatever interests you intensely, to push yourself, to make mistakes and recover from them, and to live as deeply as you’d like in the hope of finding yourself or, at least, the beginnings of yourself. Such an opportunity may never present itself again. So, embrace it”
― Michael Metzler

There really is only one opportunity like this.

“Choose a major you love and you’ll never work a day in your life because that field probably isn’t hiring.”
― Unknown

It really is a shame that the most passionate majors aren’t going to get you further in life financially speaking. This is the most funny quote on this list in my opinion.

“The things taught in schools and colleges are not an education, but the means to an education.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Education is not a means to an end. Education is more than just that thing you have to do before you get a good paying job.

Educating yourself does not mean you were stupid in the first place, it means that you are intelligent enough to know that there is plenty left to learn.”
― Melanie Joy

If you know that you don’t know much is a great starting position.

“Freshmen spend in unfathomable sitting on their beds – heads against the wall or propped pillows, semi-studying or not, listening to music, catching a little TV, sending e-mail messages while flipping through yesterday’s student newspaper and talking about “you know, nothing,” which means everything. Just plain being is pretty darn interesting in those first few months of stay-up-as-late-as-you-want independence.”
― Ron Suskind

That first taste of freedom is the best. Enjoy it while it lasts.

“A college degree is not a sign of a finished product but an indication a person is prepared for life.”
― Edward A. Malloy

Is anyone really ever prepared for life? When I was younger, I always thought adults were these serious, goal oriented people. Now that I’m an adult and a father, I see that we are all merely drifting through life wanting more and more material stuff and we are all caught in an never-ending rat race called life.

“Take it all one day at a time and enjoy the journey.”
― Kristi Barlett

This is more than a college quote, this is a life quote and one of the best quotes around! Life is all about the journey as there really is no destination in life, unless you consider death the destination, final destination.

College has given me the confidence I need to fail.”
― Jarod Klintz

Should you fail in life and in business? Certainly. Fail fast and fail often and learn a lesson. Adversity is often the key ingredient to success.

“Failure is not the end of life. It is the beginning of a greater success, if thy will persist.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

Continuing on the quote before.

“It’s YOUR journey. Ask yourself who you are, where you want to go, and how you’d like to get there. Graciously accept advice from everyone, but don’t look left and right and wonder why you’re not taking the path of your peers. Enjoy the path you’re on and make the most of it.”
― Michael Metzler

Choose your own path in life is the moral of this awesome quote.

Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.”
― Leonardo da Vinci

I don’t remember 99% of the stuff I learned in college. I think it’s the same for most of the people.

University can teach you skill and give you opportunity, but it can’t teach you sense, nor give you understanding. Sense and understanding are produced within one’s soul.”
― C. JoyBell C.

We need more sense in today’s world. Not many college students seem to have it. Did you know that most of the stand-up comedians refuse to do college shows. That speaks volumes.

“There are times when wisdom cannot be found in the chambers of parliament or the halls of academia but at the unpretentious setting of the kitchen table.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri

No matter how educated or uneducated you are, please don’t be pretentious. Almost anyone can contribute to the society.

University’s like this little world, a bubble of time separate from everything before and everything after.”
― Mhairi McFarlane

College life is something else, isn’t it?

“Do not give them a candle to light the way, teach them how to make fire instead. That is the meaning of enlightenment.”
― Kamand Kojouri

Another way of saying “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”

“Make your education valuable. Apply what you learned. Refuse to take the back seat and watch things happen. Join the change and be part of the change.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

This quote is the perfect ending to this post. Never take the back seat in life!

Have a favorite college quote? Tell me in the comments!